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blah blah blah... talk too much
I really do... take that as your warning.


0 4 . 2 9 . 0 2 | 0 5 : 0 0 p m
Lynn pointed out to me this morning how my comments thingy isn't working properly. Didn't have time to figure it out because I had to head out to the schools for Physics Outreach. *2.5 hours later* I fixed the errors. Not sure what happened, but after hours and hours, I deleted that darn line 53 the error message keeps talking about just to see what happens. Long and behold... it fixed the problem. What I don't get is why. That line 53 was there from the start, and today it decides to be an error. oy...

Unfortunately, I deleted ALL my comments by accident! But good thing I get an e-mail of each comment, so I was able to go cut and paste and re-enter your messages, so if you look, the time your comments were posted is wrong, but at least the comments back! I still have to transfer the comments from livejournal over. Actually, I still have to transfer all my old journal entries still. I'm only at november. Only couple more months to go.

So anyway, today we did another assembly for Physics Outreach. I added a new demo that I fabricated! We're getting better and better at presenting the show. It was sad though because these were 5th graders that we performed for, and they were the slowest group we performed to... and we've performed for audiences as young as Kindergarden. They were slower at understanding the concepts and they didn't know their solar system! It saddens me to see children behind and see the potential they have that they'll never get to reach because they just don't have the resources that the more "privillaged" children do. The difference between Santa Ana and Irvine students is so big, and I can totally see it when I'm doing these assemblies.

The Irvine Kindergardeners knew their solar system AND MULTIPLICATION! And the Santa Ana students didn't even know their planetary system. And it makes me sad because eventhough they passed that thing where the top 4% of each school will get admitted into a UC, the students from Santa Ana will not have had the tools to compete with those from more privillaged areas. They never had private tutors or SAT classes. When I was working in the Physics class over at Santa Ana high last quarter, the teacher was telling me about how Santa Ana students are FOUR YEARS BEHIND Irvine students. Clear across the board, they are four years behind. Even the cream of the crops students at Santa Ana are four years behind Cream of the Crops at University High in Irvine.

And my experience totally parallels this. In high school, my bf at the time went to San Marino High, a very wealthy area, whereas I went to San Gabriel... ghetto. Our school was focused on teaching us auto- shop, typing, cooking, and other blue-colar type of skills. College bound students were on their own. No one ever told me about SAT2... I didn't figure that out till hearing it from my bf at the time. I didn't know I could take it anytime... I didn't take it till senior year, when I forgot all those other subjects already. I complained to our counselor and vp that they don't prepare us for college, and their response to me was, "Our priority is getting you to graduate, not to go to college... that's not our job."

While our school is training future blue-colar workers, my exes school were training CEO's. Their priority isn't to get you to graduate... that's expected! They try to get you into big shot schools and offer classes to help you get there. They offer management classes... they're not training future blue-colar workers ... no, they didn't even offer such classes. All AP classes and classes to get you up in society. Okay... enough ranting. Just a subject that always frustrated me.

0 4 . 2 8 . 0 2 | 0 2 : 3 0 p m
Midterms are starting... my first midterm is for Quantum Mechanics this Thursday, then Statistical & Thermal Mechanics next Thursday. Plus a quiz this Thursday on The Good Woman of Scehtzuan(sp?). I think I'm just sad because I felt too guilty to do anything this weekend. My weekend is about over, and I didn't really do anything. I bought this cool fabric that I wanna make into a skirt, but I felt too guilty to sew cuz I felt that all my time should be spent studying. I ended up only studying about an hour last night.

I hope it's just PMS, but I've been feeling down... not even down, just difficult. Like nothing will satisfy me. I want to be productive, but the things that make me feel productive (like homework or studying) is also what makes me sad. I hate studying during the day because I get all depressed when I look out my window and see that it's all dark... the whole day slipped me by. I get depressed when it gets dark. Not when it's dark, just during the transition into night.

I really hate my PMS time because I just get sucked in my own self-pity. I really hate it... and I always try to be aware of it so I can try to consciously stay out of the hole. I feel down, but don't know why. So I then don't want to do anything because I'm down. Then I feel that I end up giving myself reasons to be sad so I can justify it. Like I would keep wallowing in self-pity, which would prevent me from studying or going to class. Then I would get depressed about how behind I am... tada... a reason to be sad. It's so bad... I've actually been controlling it pretty well. Just this weekend with midterms creeping up stressed me out a bit, but I'm aware I'm in that vulnerable state, so I'm being extra conscious of my feelings and behavior. Too bad it has to be so much work to keep myself up!

Why do I have to be so complicated?! I wish I knew how to cheer myself up during my moody PMS period. Any ideas?! Any tricks that work for you?! PLEASE SHARE your secrets!

0 4 . 2 7 . 0 2 | 1 2 : 5 0 a m
Yay... notice something different (only if you're reading this on Saturday)? Yup... I have a new background for today! I didn't like the purple the was originally up. Anyway, I've been working on the site for Physics Outreach. I would show what I have so far, but it's a really rough draft since I'm still working on the animations and stuff... too embarrassed to show it. I'll show it when I make it half way decent.

We went to look at doggies today. I sometimes wonder if I'm ready for a dog. Of course I'm nervous... but that's because I want to be able to provide a REALLY good home for my doggie, so I get nervous that I won't do something right or not be able to handle it. So why am I still wanting one? Well, besides the fact that they are sooooo cute, I almost feel expected to. I'm not sure how to explain it, but I've done so much research and been so into it... I know I could provide lots of love and a good home, but the process of training and all that good stuff scares me. If I could just get pass the trainning part, I should be okay. Well, a lady in Valencia finally called me back reguarding her Lhasa Apso, so we made an appointment to see the doggies on Sunday. One good thing about getting it from her is that she's had the dogs, so hopefully they are housebroken already. I just hope they've been trained to go on a wee-wee pad indoors because if they have been trainned to go outdoors, it'll be hard for me to get them to go indoors.

But I'm excited. I would be soooo happy having a little doggie... it's just the process that's a pain in the butt. I've called and e-mailed so many people... and so many missed opportunities. I always call too late. I was surprised that this lady still had her dogs. Maybe it was meant to be... =D

0 4 . 2 5 . 0 2 | 0 7 : 1 4 p m
I love Thursdays... besides the fact that I start school at 9:30 and end at 5, it's a good day. Why you ask? ...well, what else?! It's my favorite background day! hehehe... As silly as it may sound, I look forward to Wednesday 9pm (my server's on east coast time) because that's when my site changes to my favorite background! I just redid my comments so that it changes color every day to match my site. Ugh, that took me two hours and was tedious. I had to play around to find two extra background colors that match each of the different backgrounds so my comments can alternate color between comments. Then I had to figure out how to add another function in to change each the background each day, and have another function call the new one. It's been a good 8 months since I've done any programming, so it took me awhile to get in the hang of it, but boy am I glad I have C/C++ background!

So anyway, today was a GOOD day! I received an e-mail last night saying that my 3:30 lecture is canceled today, so I was just in a better mood than usual knowing that I would end earlier than normal Thursdays. Then, I attended both of my Physics class... great way to end my week! After class, I went to talk to my professor about Physics Outreach. We redid some transparencies... it took us an hour and a half, but we had a good time doing it. I really enjoyed our conversation. I don't remember what we talked about in particular... I just remember laughing quite a bit, and feeling good about myself. It feels good to give valued suggestions. I am one to fear rejection, so I ususally don't like to share my ideas... and especially in Physics where I have lost most of my confidence. It felt good to be encouraged and supported. It felt good to hear him "ah!" because he liked my ideas, or when I give an opinion and he not only agrees with it, but has that, "ah! brilliant" attitude.

I also spent sometime in the demo room adjusting some of our equipment. After I was done, I started to play around with all the Physics toys in the room... oh what fun. I'm glad I'm more into Physics. Nothing like I used to be, but at least I feel more connected to the department again. I also saw two of my professors from freshman year. It really surprises me how many of my Physics professors still remember me. They'll remember specific things too, not just my name. That's definantly one perk of being part of a small school. Okay, I guess I should study or do something else besides sitting in front of my computer. I start midterms next week, so I better start studying for them. But I'm really liking my stress-free approach... I don't care about the grades anymore. I'm just doing what I have to do and getting whatever I can out of it. I don't care about the outcome... just as long as I'm happy. =D

0 4 . 2 4 . 0 2 | 0 5 : 2 2 p m
ARGH... I hate talking to people who are condescending. I always end up just feeling so low of myself. This morning, I went to the Pasadena Humane Society because I saw online that they got two Lhasa Apsos yesterday. When we got there, they had a Shih Tzu too. I really liked the two Lhasa Apsos. I changed my mind about the Shih Tzu because when I inquired about the dogs, they read what the vet had written about the little Shih Tzu and basically, he was a hyper/wild guy. Bad on leash and runs out the door as soon as it's cracked open.

To adopt, I had to fill out an application, then meet with a counselor to get her aproval. In the application, I had marked that I rent an apartment, but then saw that if we rent, we must provide our landlord's contact info, so I changed and said "owned home", and just said I live at my parents house. Right when we walked in, she already seemed to have made up her mind that she didn't want us to adopt the dogs. She was talking really negative about having dogs (shedding, digging, shredding things, etc) and seemed to just keep convincing me not to get one. Anyway, she said she won't approve me until I bring my parents in. She wouldn't accept a verbal or written agreement... she wanted my parents to come in! I felt so talked down to... she talked to me like I was a kid... even justified like how a parent would to a kid: "I know you're old enough to make your own decision, but it is your parents house and I need them to come and see the dog to see if it's okay." I understand the need to have the owner of the house's approval, but just her whole tone of voice and everything.

I left feeling sooooooo crappy. I left feeling really bummed and defeated. She was talking so much crap and putting me down so much, but I just sat there and took it! You know that whole thing about how if you treat someone a certain way, they will become it... like if you treat a kid like a failure, he'll believe it and become one... self fullfilling prophecy. I started to be that low self-esteem kid just taking all her blows. After leaving, I just felt bummed... I wasn't sure why until I thought about it more. I was so pissed cuz I just sat there and took it like a defensless child! argh... oh yeah... she also wanted me to bring my dog in so she can varify that the two will get along. That's great and all, but my dog's an outdoor dog, and I was trying to adopt an indoor dog, which I tried to explain that they wouldn't be in contact cuz I want to raise the little Lhasa Apso indoor.

Oy... If only I knew what they were going to ask so I could've planned what to say! If I knew they would've required me to bring my dog in to socialize, I wouldn't have said that I have a dog! And if I knew she was going to make me bring my parents, I would've said I rented and gave someone's (Jonathan's?) number and say it's my landlord! I just left so sad. And the doggy was soooooo cute! =( I just gotta keep looking, and maybe Jonathan could adopt next time, since they already have something from me, and say he rents the house from him mom. Cuz if the owner lives there, they want the owner to come. But if it's just a landlord, then they just call. I think she was just being more difficult on me. It doesn't make sense that they would just call a landlord, but make my parents come in.

Anyway, take my new poll.

0 4 . 2 3 . 0 2 | 0 8 : 2 2 p m
I did it... I GOT A DOG! ...oh wait, that's not it. Back to reality... nope, no dog yet. =(
However...I did get a SEWING MACHINE!!!!!! I spent $180, but that's because $25 was for shipping. I got it at allBrands.com. They have good prices. They're cheaper than joann.com, even with Joann's 40% discount code (APRP40... in case you wanna get something for 40% off, but it does expire after today). This machine does embroidery, button-holes, scallop stitching, and all these other cool stuff that I don't know if I'll use, but I'll sure have fun trying!


0 4 . 2 3 . 0 2 | 0 6 : 4 2 p m
Darn it! Those recycler ads go so quickly! Day before, there was a teacup maltese/poodle mix on sale for $100. It was blind though, and that's why I didn't call right away. I thought about it all night, and finally decided to go for it because I know I can offer her a good home. I called the very next morning and she was not available anymore. The lady was really nice though. Told me that her daughter decided to keep it, and offered me her Pekingnese instead. Jonathan would've loved it, but we passed.

Then just now, I saw an ad for a FREE maltese! Too bad I wasn't home all day, cuz when I called just now, the dogs were gone (there were two). Boo! So if anyone knows of any available little dogs, let me know! Preferably a Maltese, but anything cute and happy would do. I also saw a Old English Sheepdog for adoption. 40 pounds of love! They're my favorite dog, but a bit too big for my little room. The search goes on...

0 4 . 2 1 . 0 2 | 1 1 : 5 7 p m
OMG... I'm in LOVE!!!!! ah... *daydreamy* He's young, happy, SUPER CUTE, and just knows how to put a smile on my face! Ah... he's so wonderful! Too bad he's so far away... all the way in Virginia. I want to take a road trip to bring him home! ...yeah, that's what I'll do! Who is he, you ask? ... Well, take a look:



0 4 . 2 1 . 0 2 | 0 7 : 2 2 p m
I love my rice cooker! I use it for everything since the kitchen is the only room I'm missing of my own. I've used it as a double boiler, to steam cook my food, and just to heat up food since I don't have a microwave in here. Chris and a bunch of us at Bleak's birthday party were joking about it... "facials, pedicures... then soup!" (hahaha) I'm currently steaming sweet rice right now. I'm so briliant! (ha!) I used two sheets of foil. One sheet, I folded it like a fan to use it as a stand. Then filled the water to just below the "fan". With the other sheet, I made it like a rectangular boat, poked holes in it, and put my sweet rice in it. Tada! Steamed sweet rice... just like how my mama makes it! hee hee...

Jonathan and I went to a MSAT prep course today. It's a free, all day class that's held once a weekend for the next two weekends... three classes total. It was pretty cool. I was really uninterested in the beginning cuz she went over a lot of test taking skills and crap, which I didn't feel I needed since I had more intense training of such at SAT prep. But in the end, it was really cool when she was talking about history, geography, and literature... actually, I was really bored during the literature part. But it's cool... it's free. I'm just planning to take all the exams that I can since I'm in a program that'll pay for all the fees. Just keeping my options open and taking advantage of the resources available.

Speaking of free stuff... Jonathan and I went to get another free Jamba Juice on Friday... this time my stomach handled it much better than when we went on Wednesday. And tomorrow (Monday) is free cone day at Ben & Jerry's! And it's free scoop day at Baskin Robins next Wednesday... I've mentioned this already, huh? Well, this is your reminder then! =D

0 4 . 2 1 . 0 2 | 1 2 : 4 2 a m
We went to go watch a play tonight... "The Good Person of Sezchuan". I had to go for my Arts Core class. It way okay... kinda a parody about the ancient Chinese Gods looking for a "good person". It was REALLY annoying for the first three-quarters of the play because there's this girl that the Gods hoped to be their "good person"... gave her money and had WAY high expectations of her to be really good. Always giving, never receiving. It was annoying because she always gave... even when she had nothing. She was a total fool! Like falling in love with this jerk who just wanted her money, which she didn't have, but he wanted her to sell her shop, the only thing she had, just so he could take the money and leave. He didn't even care that she would be selling the shop for way cheep and end up with nothing. It's a lot more than that, but you just gotta watch it to know what I mean. Jonathan and I couldn't help but to think "YOU FOOL!" throughout half the play. She always got herself into these horrible situations.

Anyway, reminded me A LOT of how I used to be. My mom always raised me to give, give, and give... never receive. She always told me the key to happiness is helping others and making others happy. Any time I was sad, her solution was always to go help someone. Until recently, I never did anything for myself. I would always put others feelings before mine. Last weekend, I was looking through my drawers from back home (which hasn't been touched since I graduated high school), so there were LOTS of crap from elementary years to senior year in high school. I found old journal entries from sophomore year that just showed how stupid I was. There was this one entry from when I went to camp with my aunt. On the last day, as we were loading the cars and getting ready to leave, this ugly guy came up to me (we had met during camp) and said he was about to leave (his dad's waiting in the car) but was looking for me to say goodbye. Then he asked me for my number. In my journal, I had written:
Gee, I don't like this guy and I don't want to give him my number, but he waited and went through the trouble to look for me. He even made his dad sit in the car waiting for him. That would be so mean if I didn't give him my number, and he would be so dissapointed after the trouble he went through. So I told him I'll just give him my pager number instead.
I was such a push over! Until Jonathan came along in my life to "toughen" me up, I was sooooooo soft! I would do things that either I don't want to do, or that would make me feel bad or degraded just so I don't hurt the other person's feelings! I put myself through a lot of degrading experiences just because I could not say no or make the other person feel stupid. I've been working on my assertiveness since my second/third year in college, but initially, I went through this phase of being a "bitch". I didn't know how to find a balance of taking care of my feelings, yet not hurting theirs, so I went from the super nice extreme to the mean extreme. I think I've balanced it out now.

My residents from last year and my sorority experience hurt the most through it all. I was always so nice and so willing to do everything, so when I went through the "I won't take any crap" phase, it effected them most. I'm always looking to better myself, but it's an on- going process. Just when I think I know myself, things in my life change and I need to re-evalutate and adjust.

Oh yeah... completely random, but last night, I was on duty, so while I was on rounds, I saw this huge black catapiller crawling across my path. I looked at it more closely and saw that it was spikey! It just looked so neat; I really wanted to show Jonathan, but he wasn't there. I really wanted to catch him, but he was already crawling away. I emptied my duty bag on the floor looking for anything. I dumped everything from the first aid kit too before I found a zip lock bag. I tried to put the creature in the bag, but got scared, so Melissa did it for me. He was sooooo cool! Initially, he was scared and rolled up like a rolly polly does, so he was just a spike ball. It was just really cool to observe him from up close. It was neat how his spikes are in clusters, but I guess that's how their body is. It was neat to see his tiny feet, that had suction cups at the end. I really wanted to keep him and see if he turns into a butterfly, but in the end, Jonathan convinced me to let him go. I decided in the end that he prolly wouldn't survive long with me, so I let him go. I did take some pictures though!


We went to the animal shelter in Irvine today... Look at all the animals we saw!!!!


0 4 . 2 0 . 0 2 | 0 3 : 0 2 a m
Notice anything different?! Yup... I did it! I hard coded my journal! It took me forever, over 3 hours, to move my month of April over. Of course, part of the time, actually a lot of that time, was spent finding the right look. I know it looks so simple and not much, but I spent forever playing with the color of the font (which I'm still not satisfied with) and the look of the date and time above. Well, I have still yet to move the rest of my entries over... it's so tedious! I have to get the code entry by entry, so tedious. And I didn't transfer my comments over yet either. But am I suppose to just copy what you guys wrote and paste on my comments?! hm... but I don't wanna scrap my comments. What do you think?

0 4 . 1 9 . 0 2 | 3 : 3 5 p m
I just came back from my first round of CP (community programmer)interviews. It's really neat being on the other side... REALLY on the other side. I've helped out interviewing before, I've hired HA's and evaluated them for hiring before, but never was I solely in charge. After scheduling all the interview times last week, I held all the applications and naturally wanted to give it to someone... I mean, there was always someone conducting it and I was just helping. I realized that this time, it's just me! Like after the interviews today, I had all the notes that Jowilla and I had taken and naturally felt like I was suppose to give it to someone. It's a really neat experience being solely in charge. It's also scary because I get to choose my staff! It's all my say! ...weird.

In the past, I evaluate potential HA's, give the supervisors my comments and a general "hire" or "do not hire", and the final decision is theres. But this time, I can't just give my comments and let them draw their own conclusions... I have to make the conclusions. There's so much to take into account. Not only whether they'll be dedicated, motivated, or creative, but also, will they get along with the other CP... will they get along with me?! There's so many factors to take into account. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses, but I have to pick a group where their skills will complement each other. The most important thing to me is whether they will be easy to work with or not. Some things are easily trainable, but personality clashes are not so easy to deal with. I really want good group dynamics next year, so I'm trying to be really careful.

I dragged Jonathan with me to Tri-Delts King of Kings event last night. It's a male beauty pagent. For Alpha Phi, we have required philanthropy hours that need to be completed, and 3 has to be Greek events. So I figure I might as well go to this one since it's easy. Just sit there and watch. Poor Jonathan... that's all I gotta say. The event was opened by having all the contestants come out in do a dance number. Oh yeah, they were in nothing but swimwear... which meant speedos for some guys! Jonathan wanted to leave, but I convinced him to stay with me (thank you!). At the end of that number, some guys pulled his speedos down and showed his pubes. ew... There were two guys who struted completely naked... but one covered with a beach ball, which was smacked away, and another was covered by a frisbee, which was then threw into the crowd. For the talent show... there was sure a lack of talent! One guys act was getting stun by a stun gun couple times, another drank a whole half gallon of milk through a funnel, but my favorite was this KSig guy who sang "The Hannaka" song by Adam Sandler, but changed the lyrics to apply to the Greek system. It was really funny! It's always nice to be at those big Greek events to hear all the spirit and to be the most spirited chapter there.

Oh yeah, we got more FREE Jamba Juice today! I love FREE stuff!

0 4 . 1 8 . 0 2 | 1 1 : 1 3 a m
I saw this on LuckyKat's site last night.
  
"Wong Brothers Laundry Service - Two Wongs can make it white"

And the word seems to be spreading quickly as I got an e-mail forward from Damon this morning... and Lynn sent this article out. I just checked their site again and they have taken the shirts off their online store already. Prolly took it off the shelves too. We'll see if they actually address it, and perhaps a formal apology?!... but I highly doubt it for some reason. I wish I could feel like the world is less racist, and that we all have equal opportunities, but from my sociology classes, I've learned that it'll prolly never be solved cuz the privillaged people are the people who run the system... they're fine with the way it is. Why would they sacrafice some of their privillages so the less fortunate could prosper. It comes down to this: the people who have the power to do something about it have no need to do something about it, so why should they? They're in a good place...

A&F is one of my favorite stores, so I couldn't believe it when I first saw it on LuckyKat. Jonathan and I had to go check A&F's website and see if it was really there. I thought it was some joke, or some product for Yolk or some other Asian thing at first. Then I was just SUPER dissapointed... at them AND at MYSELF. Last season, they had girls tees that had a Latin "theme"... but I didn't think anything about it. I still don't know if it was actually anything offensive cuz I didn't pay much attention to it, but I'm dissapointed cuz I feel like I didn't notice until it effected me... ya know? Sure you can say that those 3 T-shirts about Chinese are funny and cute, but it's just reinforcing stereotypes. That's not cool... Like I learned in my sociology classes, people now a days aren't necessarily any less racist just cuz there's no lynching or segragation; people are more subtle about it now... which is worse cuz it's harder to recognize.

0 4 . 1 7 . 0 2 | 5 : 1 4 p m
Because I am a free user, I have to access my journal through livejournal... which is BUSY certain times of the day! So now I'm thinking about making my own journal and moving it all to my site. It'll take some work on my part... actually a lot of work, but I don't like not being able to get to my journal. Especially when people take the time to come to my site and the journals not there! hm... it'll just take a lot of work cuz I have to work out a nice system and with the archives and stuff. bleh. Okay, going to do more Physics now... cuz it's just soooooo much fun, ya know?!

I REALLY REALLY REALLY want:

0 4 . 1 7 . 0 2 | 1 1 : 1 1 a m
I am worth exactly: $2,228,030.00
How much are you worth?

0 4 . 1 7 . 0 2 | 1 2 : 2 5 a m
My allergies are back! I've kept them away for awhile, so when they came back today, I forgot what to do. So now I will take my yellow pill. hee hee... Reminds me of when my allergies were really bad. I have two sets of pills: white pills and yellow pills. The white ones are decongestants, so they're uppers. And the yellow ones take care of runny eyes and nose, which are downers. I used to have to plan out my pills carefully so I can take the white ones in the morning and the yellow ones at night. Problem was that I didn't need it all the time, so I had to somehow predict when I'll get it and figure out when I need to take the pills. Several times, I didn't think I'll get allergies, so I didn't take my yellow pill at night... and I woke up with bad allergies, so I just took it in the morning anyway. I would literally fall asleep as I walked to class! It was horrible. I would then sometimes try to "counteract" the yellow pills by taking white pills too even though I didn't need them, and even though I know that's not how it works.

One time, I was hanging out with a friend and we were talking about the color of his eyes (sometimes they're green, and sometimes they're blue). Somehow he looks at my eyes and goes, "WHOA... your pupils are HUGE!" I didn't realize it then when I looked in the mirror since I didn't know what size they were suppose to be, but after comparing to the next day, my pupils were more than twice the size they're suppose to be... they took almost the whole iris! I didn't think anything was wrong, and couldn't understand why my friend was trippin'. He starts asking me, "are you sure you don't do drugs?... what did you take today?" He's asking me questions to figure out the reason for my huge pupils, and I remember my allergy medicine. When I remembered I took allergy medicine, I tell him, "OH, I took allergy pills that are uppers. Yeah, my white pills are uppers and my yellow ones are downers." And we just started laughing cuz it sounded so funny. Like a year later, when we chatted online, I mentioned my allergies again and he says, "oh, go take the yellow pills!" I just thought about this story cuz I chatted with him just now and mentioned my allergies, which triggered the white and yellow pills, which I have forgotten about since it's been so long since I've had allergies.

Look...


Isn't she ADORABLE?! I want her! Someone get me her !!!!!!!!!! She's at THIS shelter in San Deigo. So if anyone wants to make me super happy, feel free to... please! I want her... =(

0 4 . 1 5 . 0 2 | 9 : 3 1 p m
I did my first assembly today! We did three assemblies today for Physics Outreach. The little kids were sooooo cute! My professor made a comment after our first show that he was so entertained with my reactions to the kids. He said he couldn't help but to keep noticing what a kick I was getting from the kids. And at the end, this little girl shyly said to me, "My name is Caroline, too". And at the end, I got to let facilitate their hands-on part, and this one particular class that came to my station had a sub, and the sub told me she was a sub and had no clue. So I got to take over and get the kids to line up in a semi-circle, but to do so, I got to hold their shoulder/upper arm to guide them where to stand. I got so excited when I touched them. They were so cute and tiny! I just wanted to pick them up and spin them round and round! AH! They're sooooo cute! Anyway, I got to do a few demos today, and the next show, we'll be on our own! He put me in charge of fabricating more demos, so I'm just thinking of what we can do. I also need to get the ball rolling with the web site. I kinda have a layout in mind... need to play around with it. Prolly really plain. We'll see.

I went to the ARC today! I was intending to catch the Pump & Sculpt class, but I was like 3 minutes late, and they had already started. Everyone grabbed their barbells and steps already, so I didn't feel comfortable being a straggler, but the class looked really good, so I'll check it out on Wednesday. I went to the class couple times last year and felt it was good, so I'm looking forward to catching it... I plan to take that class twice a week! Since I missed it today, I just ran on the machines for 30 min and did lots of weights and abs stuff.

I ACTUALLY ATTENDED MEETING TODAY! It's prolly been 3 months since I've attended a meeting! I attended like 2 last quarter! So it was neat to see everyone and have everyone say, "haven't seen you forever!" But I always hear that anyway... even if I was involved more, I'd have to be involved a lot to get around to everyone. Plus there's just so much that we do, I can't keep up! Meeting was rather long today... over 2 hours, then seniors got to leave (yay!) and the rest had a recruitment workshop after. Ugh... I've forgotten how long and dragging meeting can be.

If you or someone you know is planning to buy a house or deal with realitors in anyway, read Lynn's journal about a screwed up realitor! In a nutshell, her parents made a bid on a house, and like a week or two later, the realitor accepted the bid... and even said that if the house gets quoted for less than their bid, they have to buy it for that price. Loans were in the process... then the realitor says she has sold it to a higher bidder! HOW JACKED!

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This was a pretty good weekend. We spent Friday getting materials to make Anita's birthday gift. And we ended the night early cuz Jonathan had a meeting early the next day. Saturday, I got to sew. I altered this denim skirt that was too big. I'm improving! When I altered my pants, I only removed the top part and sewed it lower to make it more low rise. This time, I took the skirt completely apart, well, almost completely apart, and put it back together piece by piece to make it smaller. I decided to try and make a ball gown! I want to make a dress for our formal this quarter... wouldn't that be cool?!

Saturday night, we headed over to Anita's birthday party. It was fun. Got to see Christina and Anita again, and got to meet Linda for the first time! It was a good night. Funny conversations and just a ball of a time... is that a real phrase?! (I think I heard it before... um, yeah) Anyway, talked about movies (we were amongst movie freaks!), crafts, rice cookers (?)... I got to play with those bubble wrap thingys and look through the Martha Stewart Weddings book Anita got for her birthday. I have all these ideas for my wedding... I just need a wedding now! Oh well, I could wait. I know I would need way a lot of time to plan cuz I would want to make everything myself! It would be so satisfying! hee hee...

After Anita's birthday party, I went to Applebee's with Jonathan and Alice to meet up with Phuong and Richard. That was fun too. We just drank and laughed a lot. I don't seem to remember what our conversation was about, but I just remember laughing and having a good time. One thing I do remember is that we all (except Jonathan) got those black frame glasses. We were comparing ours, and talking about how we'd look the same if Phuong cut her hair. Funny thing is Phuong was the one who always had SHORT hair since high school and Alice and I always had long hair. Now Alice and I got it cut SHORT, and Phuong's hair is LONG!

0 4 . 1 0 . 0 2 | 1 1 : 5 7 p m
I just came back from the ARC. I ran like 4 miles and did abs and triceps. The best part though was probably that I did my homework that's due tomorrow before I went, so I can come back and relax. And another is that I bumped into 3 other Alpha Phi's there, and since I've been so MIA, it was very nice to hang out with them. I did arms and abs with Stacie. We had very a nice conversation about boys and relationships. We got to play with those medicine ball thingys.

The cool thing is that the machine takes your heart rate. I averaged 175, which according to the machine is "above zone"... is that bad? I was at 180 couple times, during the incline, and that was way "above zone". I was trying to get it to 200, when I thought... wait, isn't that bad? Isn't that what people with high blood pressure have? I didn't want to put myself in cardiac arrest, so I didn't push it. 180 max. But Jonathan is telling me right now that if I'm working out and it's that high, it's okay... it's only bad if I'm at rest and it's that high. hm... oh well. I wouldn't want to pass out at the ARC... that'd be embarrassing.

I'm just feeling productive right now. I hope I don't end up staying up all night doing stuff, cuz I'm pumped right now! But if I'm still like I was, a nice shower will put me to sleep, so I should just use my productiveness to do stuff right now... like more working out?! I didn't do the last two problems of my Physics homework because I got sleepy earlier, but since I'm awake, I should give em a shot instead of waiting till tomorrow. But I need to sleep early since I have early class. hm... need to manage my time or else I'll end up staying up all night. I'm hungry too.

la la la... I'm feeling GREAT!

0 4 . 0 9 . 0 2 | 0 9 : 0 1 p m
Today was a neat day. It's been a long time since I've really been into Physics. I was such a Physics nerd my first year, and I loved it! We had such a sense of community within my Physics class. I drifted from them my second year, and took a break from Physics my third year. I'm back now, but one class behind. If I didn't take the break, I would be graduating with the rest of my Physics buddies. Anyway, this Physics Outreach has been a really good experience so far for me. I've been enjoying working closely with a professor. I have never done research, so I never got that sense of community you get with your research group. I don't like Physics enough to do research anyway, but Physics Outreach is giving me a chance to play, but not obligated to all that research stuff.

During one of my break, I went to meet with my professor (let's call him professor H). An old Physics classmate was there talking to the professor about some proposal that's due today. The buddy gives me a hug, and like everyone else in my old class, says, "Caroline! Long time no see"... even though I see this guy the most out of all the rest. Anyway, he leaves and I talk to my professor, but we get interupted by another professor (lets call him professor L). I knew the guy was a professor of mine, but couldn't think for which specific class right away. I just knew it was my sophomore year. He wanted to talked to professor H, so professor H got up so they can talk in the hall way. Then professor L looks at me and says, "don't I know you? Are you a Physics major?" I said, "yeah, I was in your class." He smiles and walks away with professor H, but I could tell he was trying to figure out who I was. I hear from the hall way, "caroline tran"... didn't hear much more.

Afterwards, professor H came back and we were going to try our fire experiment... my suggestion! So I got to go to another building and enter a room with a secret code (you have to enter sequence of numbers on the pad on the door to unlock it), and I got to wheel our equipment back to professor H's office. When I went back, my old Physics buddy was in there again, but there was two of them now. So we all head over to professor H's lab. The guys came along for the show. It was so much fun playing around in that lab. None of the experiments we tried today worked, but it was just fun playing and making nerdy Physics jokes! hee hee... it's just been a long time for me. The new Physics class mostly knows me as the ditcher, so I forgot what the old class thought of me. I used to be the curve setter and the person people would come to for help. I usually scored amongst the top, 1st and 2nd couple times, but I had forgotten all that... until today my buddy brought it up again. When I started ditching my second year, I somehow still did really well on exams. I just did poorly in the class cuz I never attended class to turn in homeworks! But I had forgotten all the good times in physics.

Anyway, the used to always tell me or others about me never coming to class and doing really well... I guess that's the rep I made my second year. Of course, the new class doesn't know that, with the exception of maybe 3 or 4, so I don't hear that anymore. I don't remember what we were talking about today, but my buddy comments, "Yeah, you got the highest midterm score in professor L's class!" I didn't know what to say... I had completely forgotten about that! So that's how I know profesor L. So I told him what a coincidence cuz professor L stoppped by professor H's office earlier, and I told him what happened. My buddy just responded, "Of course he remembers you... you got the highest score in his class". Those were nice memories... it's been a long time. But I'm way more into Physics again this quarter, and I'm not afraid to ask questions anymore.

Freshman year, my professors and I would just sit in the hallway and talk about all sorts of Physics related stuff. When I started ditching and doing not so well, I "lost face" and was afraid to talk to them. I was intimidated to talk about Physics, or even to wonder about Physics. So it's nice to feel back in the loop again. I've been going to class and staying in-tuned. Feels nice.

During another break, I was doing errands and ran into my cousin. She's the sister of my lil cousin that's in the hospital for fluid in her lungs. Since my parents won't tell me what's up, I asked her. So apparently, the Children's hospital tested her for TB and she came up SUPER positive. However, they are not sure if that is the only cause of her illness. Strangely, before transfering to Children's hospital, she was tested at the original hospital and she came up negative. But they're giving her anti-biotics AND TB medication until they find out for sure what it is. She still has her fever and still has the shakes. The only explanation we have is that she got it from my uncle that visited from Vietnam. He's currently REALLY sick in Vietnam right now... we think it's TB, but it's not for certain since medical care there sucks. Anyway, when he visited, he stayed with my cousins. I remember he used to cough really badly, and my cousin said he'd hawk up noogies a lot in the sink, and my lil cousin would be the one who had to clean it... which explains the exposure. So now their whole family has to be tested, and even if they come up negative, they all have to be on medication for a year.

The doctors explanation of why she didn't have TB at the previous hospital but has it now is that the pneumonia made her weak, which allowed the TB to attack. So I guess if she was stronger, it wouldn't have invaded? But if it is that TB is the only thing, then they will take her off of the anti-biotics and give her just the TB medicine, which she will have to take for a year. You have to wear a mask to visit her. My parents didn't tell me anything... except telling me to take a TB exam. They could've told me why, instead of, "Hey, make an appointment for a TB skin test". I just thought it was random. And I never knew until my cousin told me that my dad had TB and was on medication for 3 years! But I guess this was when I was young. Anyway, I hope my cousin gets well soon cuz she's been sick for almost a month now... High fever for long periods of time is never good, so hope things get better.

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPH MIGHT BE TOO EXPLICIT AND GROSS FOR SOME OF YOU, SO IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE ABOUT HEARING ABOUT POOP, DON'T READ THIS! I REPEAT, DON'T READ THIS!... UNLESS YOU CAN HANDLE SOME POOP! hee hee...
I don't poop often... I'm working on being more regular, but I realized that I still lag by 2 days. How do I know? Well, I ask, of course? Who do I ask? Well, who else... Jonathan! hee hee... Since we eat mostly the same things, we get the same poop, but mine occurs two days later. One time, he told me his poop was green, and I was like, "whoa, neat! Like dark green, bright green?" Then two days later... MY poop was GREEN! Then another time, he told me his poop was red. I was just in awed because I never saw red poop, and it was hard to believe. Two days later, long and behold, my poop was red! I was really surprised because when I heard he had red poop, it NEVER crossed my mind that I would have red poop. The night after we had oysters, he went downstairs to use the bathroom, and when he came back, he whispered to me that his poop smelled like OYSTERS! and was really dark. Again, I was like "WHOA!" On the way home, we talked about how my poop lags his by two days, and just wondering why it takes two extra days to process. And I said, well, we'll know for sure that it's true if I get oyster smelling poop. Last night... yep, my poop smelled like oysters!... two days later. So his theory is that my system takes all the nutrients since it holds on to it longer, where I see that it's just absorbing extra FAT. But he says that volume wise, I have less poo. I'm not sure completely what he means, but he was trying to make a point that in the end, I have less waste than he does... so where did the rest of the food go?!

Interesting topic, eh? hee hee...

0 4 . 0 8 . 0 2 | 0 9 : 3 0 p m
I'm on duty, DC to be exact, so I'm just chilling in the rec room. My plan was to study... I even brought ear plugs! As I'm settling in at my desk, a lady walks in. OMG... it's Becky! My prior supervisor. I had e-mailed her before heading down here, and I mentioned that I would be DC tonight, so she dropped by to surprise me! It was so nice to catch up. She was my supervisor for my first two years as HA. We became REALLY close... sharing personal stuff and just becoming good friends. It's hard for me to work here now, actually, just sad, because the new professional staff are so different. Dynamics are completely different now. I really miss the old days. Oh well. It was nice talking to her again though.

One thing I realized from talking to her is why the recent medical stuff in my family are bugging me so much. So to update: my uncle still has lung issues, but I don't know what it is... I don't know if they know what it is since they won't tell me anything. "It has to do with the lungs, that's all you need to know. Children shouldn't be so nosy." Then my cousin who had bilateral pnemonia. Had a 105 degree fever for two weeks, fainted twice in that week, yet family doctor says it's just a fever and keeps giving her tylenol. She starts getting convulsions and was just severly shaking, so they take her to the ER for the THIRD time, and finally they admit her. They claim it's just pnemonia, but sevear, so they say she needs to stay in the hospital for 5 days to get like 9 bags of anti-biotics pumped into her a day. End of that week, there was no progress, so they transfer her to Children's hospital, which is where she still resides. Now is when my parents get all secretive again. They won't tell me what's going on! My dad just kept saying that they're treating her. But when I ask if she's better or when she'll be released, he won't answer. I got a little more out of my mom. She says that the doctors still don't know what's wrong, but they're not treating her for TB instead of pnemonia, but they don't know if it is TB or not. They're just giving it a shot. When I ask about progress, my mom didn't really say anything.

After talking to Becky, she just told me to not worry about things that are out of my control. But I realize that what's probably bugging me most is how they won't tell me anything! I realize that I was offended and hurt when they don't answer me. My dad depends on me to do everything for him. Even though it annoyed me because it added extra burden on me, I liked that he was being open with me... like I was no longer a little girl. He kept me in the loop with his whole medical condition, and I finally felt like he was open with me. But when he started to be secretive about my lil cousin, I couldn't help but to be hurt cuz it's like we lost that connection. I understand that I'll always be his lil girl and he likes to protect me. He doesn't want to stress me out and make me worry, so he keeps a lot of things from me, but I want to be included. I don't like being left out of the loop.

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Just came back from our road trip up north this evening. I don't have much time to post because I should go to bed soon, but I'll just quickly summarize it. Pictures are HERE. I'm a bit laggy with the pictures lately... haven't posted Vegas yet. Will get to it.

Lynn and Kevin came to pick Jonathan and I up from my house at 5 AM. We took off and arrived there around noonish. As we enter the bay area, I was awed by how GREEN it was! It was soooooo beautiful! There were hills and hills filled with green grass! All natural, not because of expensive landscaping like Irvine. There were also a million COWS! On the way to the oyster farm, we drove by cows that were like 3 feet away from us! They were so close to us! They were so big! I saw them eat grass and could see them chew.

Anyway, we get to the oyster farm and get 50 oysters for the 4 of us. I got to shuck my first oyster, but as I was shucking, it occured to me that they were still ALIVE! I've eaten raw oysters, but when you get them in resturants, they've been shucked and are dead... just not cooked. It didn't occur to me till I was about to open it that these are more than just raw, they're alive! I freaked out and threw it at that thought, but I got over it rather quickly. I just talked to them... I named all of them Mr. Oyster... at least I didn't individually name them! But when I opened my first one, it was still moving! The oyster's black flappy part was expanding and contracting... then I cut the muscle thingy to detach it from the shell, and it stopped. I ate the first one raw, but I was hesitant cuz I saw it move. So the rest of them I put it over the grill, not to cook it, just to warm it and let it open it's mouth. Makes it easier to shuck, and comforted me to know that I didn't kill it... the heat did. =P

On the drive back, we saw a bunch of cows, more than our trip to the farm since I was sleeping. But as we approached these pack of dairy cows, which were like 2 feet from the road, we were like "wow, look at all the cows... wait, that one cow is rather tall" When we pass by it, all I see is a cow STANDING behind another cow and very strong thrusting and a lot of jerking movements from the cow on four legs. We just all "WHOA" as we pass by it. Kevin even braked and was about to turn around. Too bad we didn't have the camera ready. Took me awhile to get over it... but it was funny to tell my mom about it.

Oh yeah, I got another hair cut today. The hair lady came by this morning, and I knew I'd be gone, so I went to another place in Newport on Friday, but she didn't cut it short enough, and not enough layers. I don't think she was used to cutting such thick hair. She kept saying, "You have soooooo much hair.... It's unbelievable how much hair you have". The girl told me she'd cut it shorter for free if I came Tuesday or Wednesday before noon, but I would just be too rushed to get back to class. So my mom called the hair lady to see if she could come by again, and she did! She came by this evening and cut it shorter for me. My hair is REALLY short now. It's longer than what I planned, but I don't know if I have balls to go that short yet. Maybe next time.

0 4 . 0 5 . 0 2 | 0 2 : 2 8 a m
What a productive day... even though I missed my morning class, but I did get the notes from it already! And no worries, it was just this once. I really like my classes this quarter, so I'm not ditching. I went to talk to my professor about the Physics Outreach program I'm involved with this quarter. We just go out to schools and do Physics demos. I'm doing additional work for the group... I'm making a website for us! fun, huh? Well, not really since it's all Physics stuff. I also went to the library to borrow Medea and MacBeth for my Arts Core class. I didn't want to pay for it, so I' just went to borrow whatever version they had available. Lets see if I actually read it now! We have 5 plays to read in 5 weeks. It's going so quickly. I hate that class... I just said I like my classes, huh? Well, it's just Arts Core that's lame, cuz it's suppose to be an easy class, but they decided to give us so much work this year. boo!

Jonathan and I went jogging/walking for an hour and a half tonight. Yup, from 11:30 to 1 AM! It was such a nice walk. We walked all around the campus on East Peltason over to West Peltason, then took it to the back of Dartmoth Court and into that park (Manson Park?... that one on Culver). We had such great conversations, and a great work out. The park was sooooo beautiful! As we were walking into the park, I was really scared because it was so dark and had so many trees and stuff... like a scene from a horror movie. But as soon as I saw the lake, I felt like I entered another world. We went and stood at the center of the lake on the bridge. On one side, the sky was really dark... the lake looked really dark, but beautiful because of the reflection. The lake was so huge, it looked like a painting. They symmetry from the reflection was peaceful. Then on the other side, the sky was reddish. Reflection was bright, red, and symmetric (just the way I like it... hee hee). I wish I had a camera! It was very peaceful, until I brought up mosquitos... I don't know if there really were, but I just said it since there was a body of water. But after I said it, we were both psychologically itchy... so we walked to Albertson's. Came back, showered, and had roti (sp?)... that thai dessert with the condensed milk wrapped in pancake/crust thingy that's like "zhua bing" . Anyway, it was a nice day.

Okay, going to bed now. Gotta wake up early cuz there's a lot to do tomorrow. Get a hair cut, figure out my prescription issue and possibly make a doctor's appointment, drop a class, and pack for our road trip up north with Lynn and Kevin. mmm... Oysters.

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Everyone is taking a break from journaling! What will I read?! Come back! Bactagrrl, Bleak, and LuckyKat, I hope you guys come back soon. And Bleak, LuckyKat, and lilracer22, I hope you guys feel better.

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I feel so unorganized already! I'm frantically trying to re-organize my room and my shedule. I need to map out everything I need to do. Did I mention that I have self diagnosed myself with Attention Deficit Disorder?! I want to go get it checked out and see what I can do about it, but I don't know what to do. Anyone know? I was planning to ask my doctor the next time I go. Anyway, so I get distracted super quick and easily. I have a hard time studying because I seem to forget that I'm studying... weird that sounds? Let me give examples... The most common one is when I'm studying, I'll need something, like a calculator, pen, etc. so I'll get up to get one. As I'm walking, my mind wanders and I forget where I'm walking to. I usually end up walking into my living room and think that I have free time and sit in front of the computer. I tend to do a million things at once cuz I forget my current task, so I'll start a new one. Sometimes I'll be studying and find that I need to send out an e-mail, or look up some equation online, so I'll go to my computer and forget that I had a purpose, so I'll start journaling (like now) or read other people's journals... or play games =D Anyway, it's super bad though. I never realized it before... I knew that I could not pay attention in class for longer than 10 minutes. I usually do really well like the first 5 minutes, then space out. When I snap back to it, I get really restless and feel like I've been there forever and just want to leave... I look at the clock and it's only been 15 minutes at most.

Earlier, I was putting away all the clothes that I brought back from spring break, and as I'm carrying piles of clothes at a time from the living room to the bed room, I forget that I was suppose to be putting away my clothes, so I browsed the web. Then I looked back and saw the clothes, and remembered, so I brought more clothes to the bedroom, and on my way back, I saw paper on the floor and started to organize and file all the paper. Then attempted to put away my clothes again, and saw my PJs. I started to debate whether I should change into them so I can put away the clothes I'm wearing, or do I put my PJs aside for when I change later. I was gonna change because I wasn't going anywhere, then I thought, ooo... I should go to Target to get something to organize all the handouts I'm gonna get this quarter. Then I completely lost track and this is how I ended up writing this journal. I can go on and on, but I always forget... distracted too easily. Holding a conversation with me can be difficult too cuz I'll literally forget what I'm talking about while talking. Cuz while I'm trying to make a point, something I say will trigger another thought, so I'll start talking about that, then never find my way back to the point. So I'm very frustrated right now because I have a lot of errands to do, but I seem to keep forgetting, or not able to finish any of them. That's why it's so important for me to map out my schedule and have a plan. So I need to bust out my planner and write down all the things I have to do... It's silly cuz once I write it all out, it doesn't seem like much I have to do. But trying to get just 3 things done without a plan completely drives me insane! I have to "plan" or schedule in a time to do something as simple as call or e-mail someone... either that or I have to do it right away, which usually means I would not doing something else I'm suppose to be doing. That's prolly why I'm so impulsive too. Okay, gotta plan my schedule (fit in doc appt, pharmacy, CTFMS...), put away the clothes, and make a folder thingy to organize my class notes, since I'm too impulsive and can't wait the time it'd take to go buy one. --Just planning what I have to do. =)

0 4 . 0 2 . 0 2 | 0 7 : 2 8 p m
So I had my first day of class today. I attended all three of my lectures, even my morning one. But because each lecture is spaced out with an hour and a half break inbetween each, I had to stay on campus the whole day. It was quite fun, besides that I was freezing! I had lunch with some random girl in my class. We met last quarter, but never really talked. Just bumped into each other and decided to eat together. Kinda neat. We had to reintroduce ourselves since we forgot. Anyway, it was a good day today. I'm feeling motivated for my classes.

So after HA meeting, my mom calls me. She was asking how I was doing and making sure that I'm happy again. She's so funny though... our conversation went sorta like this:
Mom: "So did you talk to Jonathan?"
Me: "Yes..."
Mom: "When?"
Me: "Last night, today..."
Mom: "Are you guys better?"
Me: "There was nothing wrong to begin with! We're happy. I was sad cuz I had to move back to school, but now that I'm back, things are cool."
Mom: "That's good. You have to be happy, or else Jonathan will think you're upset with him and that you guys aren't compatible or something. You have a heavy course load, so just be happy and get through them. You don't have time to be sad..." bla bla
It's very cute that she's concerned and all, but when she started lecturing in the end, I was very close to getting annoyed and letting it have a negative effect on me. It was so close to unmotivating me... I don't like to be told what to do. So I had to remind myself to just chill and let her talk and not really let it effect me. I felt it draining my motivation too! So good thing I realized it before it drained me of the little motivation I found.

0 4 . 0 1 . 0 2 | 1 1 : 2 1 p m
So my break is officially over now. I moved everything back and just starting to settle in, but got lazy. As I was moving the last of my stuff in, my fellow HA, Ravi, stopped by to visit as he was doing rounds. We were just catching up and towards the end, he says, "you know, maybe it's just cuz I've known you (we've been on staff together for 3 years), but you look more mature and older. You just carry that twenty-something persona. When you just came to staff, you were like that cute little HA girl (I was literally the youngest member on staff; I was 18), and now you just carry yourself like you're older". Many people who knew me prior to December 2000, end of Fall quarter of my junior year, sees how much I grew. I see it... just kinda weird how it just hit me. Those who were around at that time knew how QUICK I grew... it was in a matter of days! The first couple days was drastic growing, and then over the year was the gradual fine tuning.

I talked to William last night. For those who don't know, that's my ex. We had a really bad break up and hadn't talked for over a year until last night. I think I was just bothered because we were high school sweethearts. We were together for 5 years. And then a bad break up happens and we never talked. I think just after a year, I was bugged how we were like best friends and grew up together, and then just no contact. In the beginning, no contact was okay because it was still soon after a bad break up. But after awhile, it started to feel like there was no closure and no resolution. So it was nice to talk to him again as a friend. It was like no time lost. We talked like the good friends we once were. Sure the last year of the relationship was SUPER bad (we just didn't talk. we both had separate lives going on and didn't care to fill in the other), but the beginning was good. We were growing teens together, explored and learned a lot together. The bad times sometimes makes me lose sight of the good, so it was good to talk and get everything out there and remember the better times. Like he said towards the end, "it's been a long time since we've had a conversation without fighting"... it's so true. The last year and a half or so was just bad. But it was nice to put the bad memories behind us and just be friends again.

My parents are funny. So last night, William called my house like at 2 or so. I picked up after the first ring and had enough time to acknowledge him before my dad also answered the phone. So when my dad said "hello", he doesn't say anything cuz in a sense, it's as if we started the conversation. So I just tell my dad it's mine and I got it. He hangs up. The next morning, my mom calls me and asked who called last night. I didn't want to tell her for some reason. I just didn't know what to say and I was still sleeping, so I didn't want to explain. She asked me couple times throughout the day, but I didn't say anything. Later that night, after we picked up my car, Jonathan and I go back to my house. He was on my computer and I fell asleep next to him. My dad comes in and sees me sleep, so he lets me sleep instead of bugging me about getting back to school. When Jonathan left, I was still groggy and didn't walk him out. Apparently, my parents got worried that I didn't walk him out and thought we got into an argument. He told me that as he was leaving, they kept saying "you're leaving already? are you sure?" and when he walked out the door, they were like "oh... you're really leaving". My mom then comes into my room and ask me if everything's okay. "Did you and Jonathan get into a fight?" I kept telling her that everything's okay, but she didn't believe me. I really was just tired, but she kept saying, "I know you... you're sad. I know when you're sad. You're my daughter, I know these things." She then starts asking me about the person that called last night... "who called?" I shrug. "You're not gonna tell me huh..." I shake my head. She then goes off saying, "You said you decided on who. You decided to commit. I told you not to commit if you weren't sure, and you said you were. It's not good to talk to new guys... makes your mind wander. The beginning of any relationship is always more fun, but that doesn't mean you can just go jumping from guy to guy..." I'm just like, "what?! Where did you get all this from? Jonathan and I are completely okay. There's no new guy." Somehow the conversation got interrupted. Later in the kitchen though, she starts going off about me being sad because I talked to another guy. She starts making assumptions that I'm not happy in my relationship because it's not new, and I prolly found something new that seems more exciting. I just interrupt her and tell her it was William. Then she thinks I'm sad because I talked to William. I said I'm sad because my spring break is over... simple as that! I'm sad because I have to move back and unload all these things from my car. I'm sad because I know I'll be staying up late trying to settle in and adjust. I'm sad because I know I'll have to wake up early for class and will go all day tomrrow from 9:30 till 7. I'm sad because I know it's another quarter full of stupid Physics homework and exams. That's why I'm sad. She just responds with, "you're just lazy" and started laughing.

She was trying to talk to me about not stressing and taking better care of myself. My little cousin is in the hospital right now with bi-lateral pnemonia. I visited her last night, and she looked well, but I heard that's just cuz she's drugged up. Otherwise, she'd be super shivering and really bad chills... super hot, then super cold. But she was good when I saw her. She'll have to stay in there for a week. They're giving her like 9 bags of anti-biotics a day throw her IV.

Then, my uncle in vietnam is ill now. He was here visiting couple months ago, but he went back and got some lung problem. He has trouble breathing, and there's no doctors or medicine there. My dad gave him couple tens of thousands of dollars, so hopefully he'll be able to find help somewhere.

Then they found abnormal growths in my dad's colon. They first started with a sigmoidoscopy (sp?), where they check the lower portion of his colon, and they found some growths. After that, they did a colonoscopy on him to check his entire colon. They found several growths and removed them. He just got the news that they are benign, but they're likely to reoccur, so he's suppose to go get checked again to see if anymore grew back in six months. I read the pamplet they gave him, and I guess if they remove the growths early, then he should be okay. After time, those growths either turn cancerous, or grow so big you have to have part of your colon removed... they even showed diagrams. It was creepy, but comforting to know that my dad's was not cancerous and is getting early treatment, which should prevent cancer from forming.
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