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blah blah blah... talk too much
I really do... take that as your warning.

0 7 . 3 1 . 0 3 | 0 6 : 1 6 p m
Just when i thought it couldn't get any worse... my death has been delayed. This has become quite a drawn out death.

So we get to the dentist office at 5 for Jonathan's appointment. While he's getting his x-rays done, i'm talking to the dental assistant. Just before 5:30, she gets a call. It's the oral surgeon... he needs to reschedule!!! Something came up at the other office he's at and he wouldn't be able to make it until 6 or 7. The dental assistant asked if I wanted to wait or reschedule. I wanted to wait since I got worked up for it already. She advises me to just wait so the proceedure isn't rushed. Fine. So I'm going back tomorrow at 9:30 in the morning. I'm usually not even awake at that time!

The dentist and dental assistant both knows how deathly afraid I am. They've had to deal with me since 1992. They actually thought it was funny that I was there to get my teeth extracted. The first thing the dentist said when he saw me was, "you're getting your teeth pulled out today!" Then chuckles. But he was really upset at the oral surgeon for not calling sooner. See, the problem is that Jonathan took off from work early for his dental work today. If the oral surgeon called sooner, they could've re schedule both of us. Now, Jonathan can't take off from work again tomorrow and so there's no one to drive me! I'm not taking the chance of driving because I don't know if I'll be emotionally stable to drive. (Yes, I am THAT afraid.)

The dental assistant offered to come pick me up, but I'm going to see if my mom can first. My dad can't cuz he took a day off today. This death of mine is SERIOUSLY getting dragged out too long. It's torture!!! I was suffering anxiety attacks all day today!!! I don't know if I can handle this any longer.

0 7 . 3 0 . 0 3 | 0 6 : 5 0 p m
I am scheduled for death in 22 hours and 40 minutes (Voldemort is after me). *frowns* I really appreciate all the support and great coping ideas you all shared with me, but I honestly think I will die of fright.

I figure I won't get to run around after tomorrow at 5, so I went to the thrift store and fabric store today. If I do survive, I figure I'll be stuck in the house for awhile, so I had to make sure that I have plenty of fabrics, trims, and clothes to sew from scratch and reconstruct.

I finally put something I sewed myself up for auction! This is just the beginning! I have a bunch of ideas I hope to finish by next week!

0 7 . 2 8 . 0 3 | 0 3 : 2 6 p m
I have this really uneasy feeling. Maybe it's just that I feel like the summer is going by SO FAST and there's still so much more ebay and sewing I want to do. I feel like I just started... I can't believe half the summer has gone by already.

The other thing that's bugging me, probably the most significant thing, is reguarding my wisdom teeth. The doctor told me awhile back that I would need to get all 4 pulled out. I've pretty much ignored it since, but Jonathan has been bringing it up again. So I'm going to ask my daddy to make an appointment for me when he comes home from work today (like in 15 min). So I have butterflies in my stomach just waiting.

The dilema is... my dentist only does local anethesia, not general. Problem with that is:
1) I am DEATHLY afraid of needles and
2) The thought of being wide awake and conscious during the procedure makes me sick to my stomach.

So why will I still go to him? Because we've been with him for over 10 years now and he gives us the "hook up". Ya know, over bill the insurance company so we pay less. (Is that suppose to be kept secret?) We usually never pay for any of our dental work, and if we do, it's really little. For example, he's only billing me $150 TOTAL to pull out all four wisdom teeth.

How do I justify paying that much more just because I'm a whimp who can't stand needles and the thought of them cracking my teeth and yanking them out? If I was younger (when I still had no concept of money), I would've totally made my dad pay the extra $1000+ just to make sure I was knocked out. Now, I can't help but to think, "gee, that's half of one quarter's tuition". And with how eager I am to buy a house, every dollar matters. *butterflies contine to flutter*

update (3:45 PM): My appointment for death is this Thursday @ 5:30 PM. It was nice knowing you all. I'll miss you.

0 7 . 2 3 . 0 3 | 0 9 : 2 6 p m
YAY! Harlemm won Fame!!!! My fifteen votes did something! (or I'd like to think). hehe. And my 10 votes the week before did something! YAY!!! YAY!!! I just absolutely LOVE him! His singing just sends me chills. YAY!

Interesting... Harlemm Lee was Gerry Woo?

Last night was the first time I got to watch Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. And in Sarah's words, "I LOVE IT! LOVE IT! LOVE IT!"

So what else has happened since I last wrote... I took the super long CSET. If I have to take it again, never again will I take two general science and a physics science in one sitting. After my 35th Physics problem, I was ready to pop! I was so restless! Never have I sat still for 5 hrs straight and never have I done 60 Physics problems all in a row.

Vegas was SUPER fun! We stayed at the Venetian. I still haven't decided if I liked my room at Bellagio more or the Venetian. I think I like the Venetian room more, but I like Bellagio's house keeping and pool more. I got a massage for the first time at the Venetian spa (thanks P & R)!

I threw a sucessful surprise get together for Jonathan's bday! Yay me! Thank you to everyone who came and helped keep it a secret! Okay, back to ebay for me. :D

0 7 . 1 5 . 0 3 | 0 9 : 4 6 p m
Before I emailed UCLA about switching to secondary Physics, I had talked to my old HS Physics teacher about my situation. When we left off, I was still in the multiple subject track and didn't get the chance to call her to tell her that I've switched. Today, i get a call from her and before I get to say anything, she goes off with:
Oh Caroline, you've been in my mind for the past two weeks and I just couldn't stop thinking about your situation. I talked to two of my neighbors who are elementary teachers, a guy who just got hired to teach chemistry at our school, and my friend who's the head of the Physics department over at Cal State Fulerton. I told them about your situation and asked them what they think. The elementary teachers says that if you want to teach Physics, you should switch now because it will be hard to switch later. The new Chemistry teacher says that you're wasting your money going to UCLA and that a Cal State is much more friendly to teachers. The head of the Physics dept at Fulterton says that he will talk to his collegues about you to see what they think and any advice they have. He asked me how urgent it was and I said I haven't even discussed it with you yet. My neighbor keeps asking if I talked to you yet and I said I didn't want to meddle, but she says you wouldn't have told me if you didn't want me involved. So now I'm calling you to see if you would be interested in going to Cal Poly or Cal State Fullerton to become a Physics teacher.
In our last conversation, she had high hopes of me taking over her position when she retires. I really appreciate how much I'm in her thoughts. Anyway, so I then go on to explain to her about my switch and how fast it happend. I then told her that I chose UCLA because people in the field told me that they know many people who complete the programs at Cal States and can't find jobs... even my friends who did the UCI program had trouble finding jobs. I told her that many people already in the field said that I would be very well respected when I enter the field having done the UCLA program. They have high reguards for the program there. And the biggest plus is that UCLA hooks you up to teach full time your second year, so you totally have connections and guaranteed a job. I also explained to her that my long term goal is to teach and be out in the field while working on getting my PhD... then hopefully becoming an education professor, or science education professor.

After that, she agreed that UCLA would be the better choice. Now the current issue is this exam I'm taking in less than 5 days! argh. There's just not enough time. I looked up the specific details of the general science test and the test covers:
* Astronomy
* Dynamic Processes of the Earth
* Earth Resources
* Waves
* Forces and Motion
* Electricity and Magnetism
* Ecology
* Genetics and Evolution
* Molecular Biology and Biochemistry
* Cell and Organismal Biology
* Heat transfer and Thermodynamics
* Structure and properties of matter

That's just the two general science section. Then I have a whole section on just Physics. Maybe I should've done Math instead. Given the time, I am more prepared for math than this general science exam. I've never taken a course in Astronomy or any of that Earth Systems Science stuff. My Chemistry is really rusty, and I only memorized all that Bio stuff for the exam... never thought I'd be tested in it again! *pulling my hair out*

0 7 . 1 4 . 0 3 | 0 3 : 4 6 a m
I've become quite an ebay-holic. I think I can classify myself as a full-time ebayer now. I bought a scale on ebay today. Good deal too! On my last trip to the post office, the clerk was talking to me and giving me tips on shipping. In the end, we decided that a scale would be a good investment for me so that I don't under quote on shipping anymore.

When I looked up scales last week, I found that ebay did offer the cheapest deals for a digital scale. Outside started at $30 for like a 2.5 lb scale, $40 for a 5 lb scale and it easily went over $100 for a scale. I looked on ebay last week and 30 lb scales all ended up selling for close to $30.

Today, I just randomly checked on scales again and noticed that there were auctions for scales almost ending that were under $20! Sunday early evening must be a low competitive time to ebay . I ended up getting one for $20.59 plus $8 shipping! Other places were charging $10-$14 for shipping. woohoo! It was a very suspensful moment for me! I refreshed every 10 seconds from the 6 minute mark and after the 1 minute mark, I refreshed like every second! It was especially intense because there was another scale that I was bidding on that ended like 5 minutes before this one and I had lost that auction literally at the very last second. So I was NOT letting this one get away!

I'm suppose to be slowing down my ebaying for the next week to study for the CSET. Kinda sucks that I paid and passed the MSAT already. If only I was able to make this decision earlier, I could've saved $300 and those 5 hrs it took for me to take the MSAT. Oh well... I'm over it. I just want to pass the CSET first time around. I was considering spilting up the Physics and the general science exam, but I don't want to set aside another Saturday for an exam, so I hope I get it all done with this first time around.

I'm getting used to living with my parents now. There are certainly some perks to living at home... some set backs as well.
Perks to living at home:
1. There's always food to eat (well, most of the time).
2. I don't have to worry about the dishes.
3. The kitchen is fully stocked.
4. I don't get those guilty feelings of not seeing my parents enough or not spending enough time with them.

5. I'm driving a lot less (that'll change once school starts).
6. Doing laundry is free.
7. Broccoli and Lychee. :)
8. Full size bed.

Set backs to living at home:
1. My room here is half the size of my room from college.
2. There's not enough space for my stuff.
3. Need to be concious of what I do.
4. Can't be as spontaneous, especially if I'm driving (they always park my car furthest in the driveway, so if I don't plan to go out soon enough, my mom will come home and trap me in. I can't wait and be spontaneous about whether to come home or not because I need to tell them before hand so they know whether to wait to park their cars behind my car or not).
5. I have to share the DSL with my bandwidth-hogging brother.

6. No gym to workout and no safe place to jog.
7. Weather here sucks.
Okay, that's enough procrastination. I have to try and study now and pretend to be asleep when my dad wakes up (he wakes up at 4 something). My conclusion, there are more perks to being at home than set backs... so what if I purposely listed less set backs than perks. *wink*

0 7 . 0 9 . 0 3 | 1 1 : 3 6 p m
Last week, I contacted UCLA to see if it's possible to switch from multiple subject to single subject and if it is, what do i need to do. Yesterday, I got an email back saying that she would go talk to the science faculty to see if I can switch to secondary science instead of multiple subject. 8 hours later, I received an email saying that my request to switch to secondary science has been approved and that she is switching all my files from multiple subject to secondary science and I need to take the CSET Science Physics at the next possible date.

Whoa! It all happened so fast. I had already spent $300 to take the MSAT, and passed! (before they switched to CSET), so now I have to dish up another $250 to take the CSET general science 1 and 2 exam along with the Physics exam. I got to the CSET website and find out that July 8, 5:30 PM was the deadline for late registration. This was at 4:30. I finally finished the internet registration process (I had to verify with UCLA what exams I needed to take) at 5:15 or so. OY! Talk about quick change. Just like that, in a blink of an eye, I will no longer be teaching elementary school but high school Physics. I'm excited! I just need to pass the freakin test now!

So two section of the test is general science, which means I'll be tested on Chemistry, Biology, Physics, and their sub-catogories. Then a whole section on Physics. I just went through the garage to dig up my old Physics, Chem, and Bio book (good thing I took all three subjects in college)... I couldn't find my bio book. Then I remembered, I sold it. :\ I never thought I would need it again! haha. Oh well. Oh yeah, I failed to mention that the exam is in TWO WEEKS! So I have TWO WEEKS to study three subjects that I haven't touched in over 4 years! I include Physics with that because upper divsion Physics is NOTHING like lower division Physics. I haven't dealt with lower division Physics stuff in years. Gotta brush up in drawing force diagrams. :P Actually, that's the fun part. I'm dreading working with lower division E&M... haven't touched that in years. Actually, I didn't like upper division E&M either. :P

Chemistry will be a challenge for me. My mind never grasp chemistry. Okay, I should go study now. I guess I'll have to slow down my ebay auctions for the next two weeks. I already have a bunch of stuff listed to end next week. I hope to list a few more at the beginning of next week, but we'll see. I'm slowing down on my buying, so I'm actually starting to see some money. yay! I received 3 pairs of shoes in the mail today. hehe. All from ebay. I told one of my buyers this and she said, "3 pairs?! haha... that's great. i've decided to add you to my favorite seller list since I now know you have an obession w/ shoes. I figure you'll be selling some off at some point. hehe." Yay! I have my first fan! haha. ebay has totally consumed me. I sit in front of the computer all day dealing w/ transaction. The only time I'm off the computer is to wrap my packages, and the only time I leave the house is to mail the packages or to scrounge my favorite thrift stores for more things to sell. The people at the post office know me! They all know my colorful packages. :) One of my buyers left a comment on my feedback saying "felt like I received a gift!" Okay, I'm obessed. I'm going to go study now.

0 7 . 0 8 . 0 3 | 0 4 : 3 6 a m
argh... I just read Lele's July 8th entry. ARGH! I can't believe people like that still exist. It's kinda funny that she wrote about that today because I was cleaning up my room last night and went through some old high school stuff. I ran across a journal that I kept for my peer counseling class. In it, I was writing about how my choir teacher was really annoying me with his prejudice. I'll just quote my entry:
I feel like quitting choir in a way. I can't stand [Mr. S], but I'm going to stay and see how it goes. Not only does he favor and treat certian people better, but he makes comments that bother me. We're singing a song called "Kwanzaa Celebration". Kwanzaa is an African-American celebration around christmas time. It's a celebration of their pride and joy etc. Anyway, there's a line that says, "see our talents far and wide". When it came to that line, he sang, "see our color not our hearts". He started to laugh, then said, "that's what they're trying to say anyway". That really got to me, especially because he said it as though it was nothing, then laughed. Also, he said that if we don't bring in our deposits for our tour to Florida, we'll end up in San Fransisco. But he said it in a bad way by saying "the gay area" instead of San Fransisco. Then he'll say, "I mean, the bay area". It always happens, so I"m not sure if it's an accident. It's always, "The gay area,... I mean, the bay area". Also, this girl said something stupid to him so he said, "why are you so blond? You make such blond remarks. You ask such blond questions."
My peer counseling teacher's comment back to me was, "What you are learning in this class will put you way ahead of most adults". The weird part is after I went to college, I put so much of my high school years behind. This was junior year. I had totally forgotten about this incident; in fact, I had totally forgotten about this journal. The funny thing is that after all my diversity training in college through housing, I found myself often frustrated when speaking to closed minded people. I often complain about those people who just need to get out and take some diversity workshops. What I didn't realize was that I had felt that way back in high school.

I've always felt that it was my housing experience that made me so sensitive to prejudice remarks. It was really weird to read, after all these years, that it was my peer counseling experience. Although I feel that it is heavily due to housing, I never realized that peer counseling was the start of it. It's just trippy for me because I've always been so anti-high school... the thought that it actually did something good for me just awes me. hehe. I guess the difference is that back then, those remarks just bothered me, but I didn't know why. Something about it just struck a nerve, but I didn't have enough diversity training to fully understand what is wrong with those comments. Now, after 4 years of diversity training, I still don't always know why things bother me, but for something as blatant as my choir teacher, I do know and I usually will address it.

It's funny cuz about a year ago, someone on the RBJ forum said, "that was so blond of me". I was shocked that anyone could've said that. I addressed it, but people brushed it off quick. I addressed it in a mannar that wasn't embarassing nor confrontational; it was just an opportunity to point out the importance of being culturally sensitive... but people still brushed it off quick. When I read my journal entry last night, I was totally shocked that someone in my life had atually used that blond line before! Just kinda funny how it always sounds so new to me each time I hear it. Anyway, I'm obvioiusly babbling now. I guess I should get some sleep since another set of my ebay auctions will be closing tomorrow.

0 7 . 0 6 . 0 3 | 0 1 : 2 6 a m
Inspired from Linda's comment, I sewed a purse! :D Actually, it was suppose to be a doggy purse for my friend's birthday, but it ended up being to small for her dog. I put Broccoli in just to test it out... it was a bit too snug, but he didn't care. He loves riding in purses. hehe. We even have a command for it. "In the bag! In the bag!" Then Broccoli goes in the bag and just sits there... hoping to get to go out. Anyway, I went off on a tangent. Here's my very first purse (well, second if you consider the purse I made to carry Broccoli in a year ago). But if you compare the two, you can totally tell how far I've come with my sewing.
Butterfly print handbag.

and the best part...


I'm actually really proud that I got this whole reversible thing down the first time around. I didn't have to unstitch anything and I actually got the two fabrics to line up and everything! yay! I'm actually planning on making another one very soon. Any request? I can custom make you one. :)

0 7 . 0 3 . 0 3 | 0 2 : 2 0 a m
So I just finally logged all my ebay activity (I love book keeping!). So far, I'm profiting by $17.78... but that's because I didn't ship one item yet. After I ship it out tomorrow morning, I should be at $13.64... I think. And I guess it would be important to note that while I was earning my $13.64, I was also bidding on other people's stuff and spent $51.23 and currently bidding on another $40.49 worth of stuff. I think ebay may have been a bad idea. But it's too late now... I'm addicted.

Why do I have to have an addictive personality?!
This week's addiction: ebay.
Last week's addiction: pokemon (yes, the game).
Last month's addiction: animal crossing.

What will be my next addiction. I should probably have a blog on just my addictions! haha. Now that I think of it, it would be nice to be able to look back and see what my addiction trends are. Anyway, just for kicks, look at my stuff. I really need to clear this room out. Donny knows how much stuff I have. I'm such a pack rat! *big cheesy smile* Oh yeah, all my packagees are decorated before I send them out! :) Look:

And on this ladybug clock, I had cut out a ladybug to the package... same style as the one above, but with a lady bug. That above is my very first package... my very first buyer. *sniff*sniff* Okay, I should go to bed now or I won't be able to wake up to ship the package and to put up more stuff on ebay. :) Gotta feed my addiction (actually, I'm not sure if the addiction is more buying than selling. oh well.) What can I say... I'm a shop-a-holic! :D

0 7 . 0 1 . 0 3 | 0 1 : 0 6 a m
Wow, July already! So I realized that I have never posted up any of the stuff I sewed. Here's something I sewed yesterday:

The auction on my first couple items on Ebay will be ending tomorrow so I have to prepare to ship! Help me gather any last minute bidders! :) What I've noticed so far is that I'm buying more than I'm selling!!! lol. Oh well.
the rest