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blah blah blah... talk too much
I really do... take that as your warning.

0 6 . 2 9 . 0 4 | 0 8 : 4 6 p m
I went to the doctors today to get a physical for my employer. He was nice and friendly... although he kept pushing me to get back on the pill for some reason. The first question he asked was "So, are you on the pill?" He didn't even ask if I was sexually active! I told him that I have been off the pill for several years now, and he shot back with, "Are you trying to get pregnant?" Uh no, I just didn't like the idea of putting horomones in me everyday. "You have to use some form of contraceptives!" I use condoms. "Okay, Condoms are 90% effective. But the pill is 99% effective. What if you're one out of the ten who gets pregnant? Would you get an abortion?" Uh... I probably would. I'm not ready to have kids. "Well if you're okay with having an abortion, then condoms are fine."

Throughout the exam, he goes on and on about the benefits about being on the pill and how his daughter is on it. At the end, after I had totally forgotten about the pill, he says, "Okay, last chance. Do you want me to write you a prescription for the pill?" I ended up just asking him to write the prescription and let me think about it. I really had no plans on getting back on the pill after I got off. I felt so liberated to not have to have this little pill rule my daily routines... okay, so it wasn't that bad. But I had a difficult time remembering to take it since I had no routine. As a college student, my schedule was different everyday. I woke up and went to bed at different times each day. My meals were at random times -- I would have breakfast during lunch and dinner during breakfast.

So at the end, he tells me that I just need to go downstairs to get some lab work done (aka poke a needle in me and steel my blood!). He told me to bring down my file and some samples to the lab. I saw the sheet that had the lab request and I casually folded it up and put it in my pocket. I turned in my file and the samples to the lab lady. The lady takes my samples and hands me back my file for check out. I take my file to the front desk, checked out, and left the building. I totally got away!

Part of me feels like I only cheated myself since I paid for it, but I just could not bear the thought of getting poked by that needle. I actually went on my own to get blood drawn a little over a year ago. I thought I had overcome my fear of needles through that experience, but I guess not. It took weeks of mental prep for it, and even then I was so nervous that my veins constricted. Somehow I just could not get myself to go through the anxiety today. Sure I feel like I totally bailed and a total quitter, but at least I didn't get poked. ...Okay, so I'm a damn chicken.

0 6 . 2 3 . 0 4 | 1 1 : 4 6 p m
I had two paragraphs written about how much I hate the bureacracy of LAUSD, but I erased it all. I didn't feel like finishing. But it is a big pain and really really stupid. HR there needs to get their act together. My frustration about our education system is just too much for me to write.

I had an interesting dream. Any dream interpreters out there? I'm never sure of who's reading my journal now, but I'll take the risk in sharing this. In a nutshell: Some guy who liked me waaaay back in the day tried to put a move on me. There was temptation from the heat of the moment, but something interupted so I ran and hid. While I was hiding out and trying to gather myself (I was so flustered), a wise elder (like fortune teller type person) appeared and told me that I am troubled and unable to move forward (commitment, marriage?) because I haven't resolved what happened 4 years ago. He/She told me that if I resolve what happened 4 years ago, I will be able to move forward to the next stage. That line is really strange to me. Does that mean I need to seek closure from the people from 4 years ago? I did have a bad fall out w/ this guy 4 years ago, but my friend H said it's prolly not a good idea to contact him since he's married w/ children now. But I don't see how closure with him will change anything with me. Or is it not refering to the falling out but the sort of relationship that sparked around that time? Or is it refering to closure from all that occured around that time? Or does this dream mean nothing and the 4 yr reference is just coincidental? The 4 year point just happens to be the messiest point of my life, relationship wise.

0 6 . 1 6 . 0 4 | 0 6 : 5 6 p m
Trader Joe's Peanut Butter Filled Pretzels are EVIL!!!!! They're sooooooo addictive! *trying to resist* Seriously, maybe I just have no will power, but I need my fix! The container calls me and seriously, it's an addiction because I know how bad they are for me and I know that I don't want them, but I can't resist. argh.

Since my 23" monitor blew on me, I've not only been using this dinky 13" monitor, but this dinky monitor that occasionally goes green! The past week or so, it's been mostly green, so I've been having trouble preparing pics for ebay because my monitor puts an ugly green tint on everything. To make up for my guilty peanut butter filled pretzel aplurge, I was going to go work out... when my monitor decided to lose it's green tint!!! So now I'm stuck on the computer again. *sigh* I'm feeling gross though, so I'm going to screw my ebay and go work out.

0 6 . 1 4 . 0 4 | 0 5 : 0 6 p m
Guess what I did today?!?! I actually drove my ass down to the doctors all by myself to get poked by a needle!!! It was just a TB test, but that's HUGE for me! I have come a looooong way with my fear of needles. I'm a bit nervous about my physical in 2 weeks because I'll porbably get poked for blood. *cringe*

I conqurred my fear of needles and doctors a year and a half ago when I made my own appointment and drove myself to the doctors. I almost backed out of the blood work too when the doctor gave me the OPTION of having blood work. But I had hyped myself up so much that it was almost dissapointing... anticlimatic? so I marched back in and got it done. I was so nervous though that the guy was having trouble getting my blood to flow. He didn't have trouble finding my veins; I was just too nervous that I guess everything constricted and drastically reduced the amount of blood flow.

Anyway, enough talks about doctors. I took some more pics of me and mini-c. Only one more week of teaching and it's VACATION!! :D

0 6 . 0 7 . 0 4 | 1 1 : 4 6 p m
Happy Birthday to my favorite cat lover!

This morning, I had to go to UCLA to turn in my paper. I only have a night permit, so I went to look for meter parking by my advisor's office. I drove around for twenty minutes and could not find anything. I drove up to the parking booth and this pretty good looking black guy comes to my window.
him: Hi, how can I help you today?
me: Is there any metered parking spots in the structure?
him: No
me: aw man. thanks. (about to drive away)
him: Hey, don't get mad at me. You asked me the question and I just answered it. I'm just doing my job.
me: (I just laughed at his attempt to be funny, said thanks, and drove away)
So I drive around some more and decided that I was just going to illegally park in the structure and hope that I don't get a ticket. I drove around the structure for another 15 minutes and there's absolutely no parking available! So I drive back to the parking booth. I pull up and the same guy comes up to my window again.
him: Hey, you forgot to give me your number!
me: (laugh it off) I just need to turn something in really quick. What's the best parking option?
him: Well, you can park there (points to a loading spot) for $7 and if you return within 30 minutes, you'll get $4 back.
me: hm... so $7 and $4 back if I come back in half an hour?
him: yes
me: okay, i'll take it
him: WHAT?! How long do you need?
me: I just need to turn in something. 10 minutes?
him: How about this? I'll let you park there for free for 5 minutes because you're nice. It's such a gloomy day today... (I guess I must have tuned out the rest)
He didn't see me when I returned to my car, so I just drove off. He ran along my car and yelled "call me!!!" So what's my point? Parking at UCLA sucks. But also, as I drove away, I thought, "omg. did i just use my girlish charm to get something for free??" I hate it when females flirt to get things because I feel like it only reinforces the whole idea of women as sex objects. I struggled with this too the last time I got pulled over but the officer let me go. But then on the flip side, we're oppressed in many other ways so we should just use what privilledges we do have. ugh... but I'm still against the media portraying women as sex objects and I don't like to reinforce that idea. But in desperate times, I do find myself guilty of resorting to it too.
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