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I really do... take that as your warning.

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I can't wait for the holidays! I'm already in vacation mode. Actually, I've been in vacation mode for the past three weeks! Three weeks ago, we didn't have our Wednesday night class, then Veteran's week we had Monday and Tuesday off (some still observed the holiday on monday even though it was changed to tuesday this year). Last week was the first full week in two weeks and that just felt WEIRD! Then it's Thanksgiving week now. Class tomorrow is canceled. I have class tonight, but observations this morning was optional. So I'm SERIOUSLY considering ditching tonight. Half the people have been absent from each and every class for the past three weeks now. I want to go though to see what cool lesson plans my classmates came up with, but I'm really too lazy to drive out there. hmph... I have 45 minutes to decide.

So what are you doing for Thanksgiving?! I'm going snowboarding in Mammoth this weekend! Yippee!!! It's been too long (last Feburary). Just the thought of it makes me really excited, but also gives me anxiety. I think I have an anxiety problem. Jumps give me such a thrill, and it feels so good after landing them, but the whole process just gives me anxiety! Seriously, let me take you through my thought process as I go for a jump:
Approaching the jump...
OMG! OMG! Control your speed!! Straighten your board!!!
Approaching the tip of the jump.
*Holds breath*
OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT!!!! *still holding breath*
then: 1) Land, if I'm lucky
or 2) On my face
Anyway, here's a picture from our last Mammoth trip (Photographer: Henry)...
I believe I already cracked my goggles when this picture was taken (fell on my face on a jump), but you can't tell in the photo. :P Boarding with a crack down my goggles made me feel like a nerd who got punched in the face by the class bully. It was a great conversational piece though, but I just got myself new goggles at skidazzle anyway. I can't wait to go snowboarding with "the mammoth group" again! (Thanks for planning it again, Dorothee!)

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Congrats to Cyn on her new baby girl!! She had this game where people would email her their guess on the baby's gender, birth date, and birth time. My guess was Female, 11/10/2003, 8:23 PM. I saw on her site yesterday that it was Female (check), 11/10/2003 (No way!!!), and 7:26 AM (doh!). I am off by 12 hrs and 57 min.

Did I do the math right? I'm horrible with numbers! That's ironic to many people because 1) I'm Asian and 2) I was a Physics major. My arguement is 1) Not all Asians are good with numbers and 2) Upper division Physics does not involve numbers!!! They're all greek letters and funny symbols. For most problems, the answer IS another equation!

Bubbles got a pedicure today!! :)
I wish I took a picture of it when it was still bone stock, just to have memories of phases it has been through. Oh well. Bubbles goes in for new shocks and springs on Thursday.

On a completely different note, I just had a very frustrating moment in the school today. Couple weeks ago, I went to visit this HS, which shall remain nameless. We'll just call it HS. One of the teachers I met at HS really gave me bad vibes. He made some implicit sexual comments at me, and sexually commented on students, students' mothers and other female teachers. In our conversations, he would say things that made it very apparant that he has given up on these students and was obviously trying to bring me down with him. In his mind, he was just sharing the realities of teaching.

In front of the class, he would say things to me like, "That stupid boy...", "That boy is failing, what can you do about it?", "That girl is failing, what are you going to do?" I totally lost track of how many times he refered to a student as stupid. His negative attitude and his pervertedness made me never want to go back to his class again.

I reccommended H to visit this other teacher, Mr. A at this HS for 3rd period. The class I was going to observe 3rd ended up taking a test, so I thought I would visit H and Mr. A. I get there and Mr. A told me that he told H it wasn't a good day and sent her to Mr. M, the perverted teacher. I thought about going to keep H company (and also to prove to myself that maybe Mr. M isn't as bad as I thought), but Mr. A invited me to stay. I felt a little obligated to stay because he was so welcoming.

I took a seat in the back and within couple minutes, Mr. M comes in the room. He looks around the room.
Mr. M: Where are those UCLA people?
Mr. A: points at me
Me: huh?
Mr. M: No, not her. Ther other one.
Me: H?
Mr. M: Yeah, where'd she go? ... Here, come with me. Let me show you something.
Me: grabed my stuff and walked out expecting something cool... a cool demo? cool activity? good lesson plan?

I go out and see R, a kid I had worked with the last time I was in his class. Good kid.

Mr. M: Here's a slip for him to see the counselor. He has not done any work in my class. I don't know what to do with him. ...Here, you take him. You talk to him. *chuckles* You can see the other side, the dark side.
I am just shocked. R and I quietly walk down the hall and when Mr. M was no longer in sight, I ask R, "Whoa, what was that all about?!" R then goes off ranting how Mr. M sent him out for nothing. R had just taken out some paper and right when he clicked his pen to write, Mr. M starts yelling and hands R a slip and tells him to leave. R tells me that that's probably why H left; Mr. M prolly scared her.

I end up hanging out with R for the rest of the period and had a very good talk. He honestly feels that Mr. M doesn't not want him to succeed. He says that whenever he goofs off in class, Mr. M doesn't do anything about it. But evertime he tries to do some work, Mr. M will pick on him. R also shared stories about the perverted things Mr. M has said; for example, a another female teacher came in and needed something from the back storage room. I don't remember the exact quote, but Mr. M basically implies that him and the teacher will "get it on" in the back. The female teacher gives a disgusted look and tells him that she'll just get it herself.

There was another incident where a bunch of guys were talking to a very large breasted student. Mr. M tells them to stop talking and says he's going to jump on her. A lot of it is very subtle and implied, that's why I wasn't sure if my initial gut feeling about him was just due to my sensitivity towards such issues or if it was really valid. After R went off on it without me saying anything makes me feel that this guy IS a pervert. R said that there's nothing he could do because he's afraid Mr. M will give him an even more difficult time... even if Mr. M is fired, he may tell his collegues and they'll give him a hard time.

He said there's nothing that can be done. You just go through the motions and "get by". Just do what the counselors tell you to do, then go back to class. Serve your community service and detention and go back to class. I'm just so frustrated because I see how much potential R has. He's SUCH a good kid.

As we were sitting in the office, he starts to count the dots on the ceiling. I start to count with him, and we both laugh at how the dots just start to get fuzzy and how we get all crossed-eye. The ceiling was made of those square thingys with a bunch of holes in it. I am such a nerd, but I just couldn't let this lesson slip me by.
Me: Could you think of an easier way to count up the dots?
R: ...Yes! Count the dots going across and the dots going down, then multiple them.

Wow! That was awesome critial thinking he just demonstrated!

Me: So how many dots are there across?

We both try to count the dots across, but found it difficult since the dots were so small. We laughed at how are eyes were all crossed-eye.

R: 22 dots across.
Me: So how many dots are on each square?
R:I don't know yet. I need to count the dots going down.
Me: Before you count, how many dots do you think there are going down?
R: Well, the two sides look the same, so it should be 22 too. But I want to count to be sure. counts 22!
Me: You guessed right! So how many dots are on each square?

We do the math together.

R: Whoa, there's probably a million dots on the whole ceiling!
Me: Probably! You can actually calculate it. What's an easy way to calculate it?
R: Oh! We could count how many squares go across and down the room!
The bell rang and we both walked towards our next period. As we were walking, I was debating if we should switch contact info or if I should give him mine. Right before we parted, I asked him if he had a computer at home. "no," he replied. We get to the end of the path and he says, "I'm going this way." I was saddened and told him I'm heading the other way. He says bye and walks away without looking back. I didn't even get to say bye.

My immediate thought when he wouldn't look back was that he's probably thinking I'm just another person who came and went. I was sad at the thought that he may feel that our time together today was superficial, or just like the rest. I don't want to be just like the rest. I genuinely care about him and I want to keep in touch. ...Then why did I hesitate to give him my contact info?

I'm just feeling so bugged right now because he is such a good kid and I know he has so much potential. Mr. M is just setting him up for failure. There are so many thoughts running through my head right now. "They're failing anyway, you can't focus all your attention on them," a teacher recently said to me. ...but do I just let them fall, even though I know they have potential? "If you focus on them, you'll neglect the students who really want to be here." True, but maybe that's what these students need... a little more encouragement, a more positive message. argh... I need to get to class. :\

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I'm suppose to be finishing up a book for my presentation & paper that's due on Monday, which of course means that I am continuously looking for ways to prorastinate. I bought two more things on ebay today. I've been eating every 20 minutes. I also compiled my work from a digital arts class I took last year.
Check it out!!!

Okay, gotta get myself to read more than half a page without getting distracted. ugh... so difficult! Anyone able to help me with Freire & Habermas?!

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"Freire... Hagel... Dialectic... Ontology... Marx...Neoliberalism... Praxis... Radical democracy... Gramsci... Hegemony... Antidialogical.. Lenon... Habermas... Epistemology..."

WTF?! And our professor lectures on in his super heavy accent (he didn't learn English until he started his PhD program at Stanford at age 30). Those are the only words I can make out, and that's only because he repeats them so much. I look at H, a girl in my cohort, and she returns nothing but a shurg. This class is suppose to be about Freire, but we're studying him in comparison to all these other people I have no clue about. I was a Physics major. I never took any philosophy classes or whatever other classes that would've even mentioned these terms and people. It is the one class where a bunch of us feel clueless.

So what's our solution?... DITCH! I haven't ditched since undergrad (which wasn't too long ago). Monday morning, Am asked H & I if we were going to Marguarita Monday. We reminded her that we had class that night. She told us that Al will be ditching and so should we. H & I tell her maybe and part ways. Throughout the day, H & I contemplated the thought of ditching lecture and coming back for discussion (it's a 4 hour class). As we were deciding, I see G. I run up to G and recruit her to ditch with us too. Her excitement made our decision for us, so the three of us walk towards the parking lot.

"Are you a good drunk driver?" It was agreed that H was the best drunk driver, so we all hopped in her car. We were early for happy hour, but soon enough, the place was packed with UCLA students. As I looked around, I noticed, HEY! She's in our class too! Wait a miniute, he's in our class too! So this is where they all go! This is why they're always walking in late! There was probably a third of our class there.

H & I only had two drinks, so we were totally sober. It was so funny to see all the buzzin' and drunk people in class. :) I need to hang out with my cohort more often. The math and science team hang out like 2-3 times a week (but I think that's cuz my science team has 2 males and the rest females, while the math team has 2 females and the rest males). I'm going clubbing with them in Hollywood this Friday! yay! (It's been SO long since I went clubbing!)

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After a nine year hiatus, I have been contemplating the idea of writing private journal entries again. I know Raven started a password section, but that just seems too complicated for me (creating it and just having to authorize people continuously). I also considered using the "private" feature on my LJ, which I haven't used in ages except to advertise my ebay auctions. One of my concerns with it is Is it REALLY private?! I just have this fear that I'll start venting (not even my inner most thoughts, but my incoherent/things-said-from-emotion/offensive-to-some venting as I'm trying to process) and someone will somehow stumble upon it.

But I think the bigger issue I'm having is that as I sit here and prepare to type, I can't get myself to write. What's the point of writing if no one's gonna read it and provide feedback?! Sure, writing is theraputic, but I always believed that people wrote in diarys/journals (even if private) with the desire for someone to read it because sharing is theraputic. I also say this out of experience because throughout the years when I kept a "private" diary, I always wanted someone to read it, someone to hear me out... that's why Annie and I used to trade diarys. Is this human nature or just me and my open nature?

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I did it. I finally bought a new set of wheels for bubbles! Poor bubbles has been running on an artificial limb (spare tire) for over two weeks now. What took me so long is because my ex (who sold my stock rims out of anger) told me that $400 for rims & tires were too much (so I spent the whole two weeks looking only to realize that $400 was a freakin good deal).

He has offered to financially help me out since he sold my stock to begin with and got me in this mess. When I talked to him two weeks ago, he told me to just look around and give him the bill. I found a set for $400 that very same day, but he said it was too much. There were other good deals along the way too, but I was still under the impression that $400 was a lot. After thinking about it more, $400 is freakin good because tires alone would be $85 a piece! So I ended up finding a new set on ebay for $565 after shipping.

The sucky part is that I feel bad getting financial assistance from him. Not sure why, it's just something hard for me (like asking people to return stuff). I think I was just always raised to say (and feel) "oh, it's okay. don't worry about it." I feel like just reaching a middle point and telling him to just pay me the amount he sold my stock wheels for, but I have a bad feeling I'll be lucky to get $200 then.

So what's the lesson learned here?
1. Leave your car stock unless you're ready to shell out more money.

2. When you break up with someone, get your stuff back, even if you don't think you'll need it again and even if it's a big hassel.

3. If you're going to sell your ex's stuff, at least sell it for a decent amount!!!
I had trouble with number 2 for some reason. It was me who refused to do the "returning all your stuff" thing. Just the thought of it seemed too emotionally difficult for me. I think I just didn't want to deal with the emotional aspects of packing up all his stuff, facing my ex again, and saying goodbye. Come to think of it, I think it's the saying goodbye part that I couldn't deal with. I always have trouble with saying goodbye (even if it's just goodbye to a friend at the end of the day).

I am an emotional person, so I think it's my way of preventing myself from getting into an emotional situation. The last 2.5 years of our 5 year relationship was so filled with drama that I just couldn't deal with anymore once we broke up. Sure, I was sad that it was over when I thought about the GREAT times we had during the first half, but the latter half was just sooooooo drama that I was relieved we were finally over! I didn't even want to see him or talk to him after that break up because I just couldn't deal with anymore drama. But now that I think back about it, that is pretty selfish of me, huh? I didn't give him the closure that he may have needed just because I couldn't handle the emotional aspects of it. Closure is the purpose of the whole "returning all your stuff", right?

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I picked up my diploma today! I now have a piece of paper that says I have a bachelor of science in Physics "with all the rights and privileges thereto pertaining", whatever that means. That is probably the most expensive paper I own! :P (and I already put two wrinkles in it)... oh well.

Today, I officially became a great grand big sis! (My grand lil sis in my sorority just got her first lil sis!) Congrats to her! I feel so old! I created three generations after me! I feel so old. It didn't help to hear everyone tell me how old school and old I am either. But it was neat to be back. Things have changed so much, yet also stayed so constant... people still run late. I was told that it would start at 6. I arrived at the house about 6 and only a hand full of people were there. I don't think things started until 8. I hated the waiting around part. I had totally forgotten about how much some people can LAG!!!

I sewed my lil sis a cute top. I reconstructed her bid day t-shirt. I have been so bad about taking pics of my stuff lately. She received lots of compliments on her shirt! People were very impressed. That's always a good feeling. Too bad it was one of my sloppiest jobs! I was really rushed on time so I had to whip up that shirt really quick. I am really embarassed at how bad of a job I did, but at least everyone still liked it. It didn't quite fit her like I had planned. I sewed it using my measurements since I didn't have hers. I thought we were about the same size, just shorter. Ends up that her height seems to have made a big difference and her shoulders are broader than mine, which matters with an off-shoulder top. Oh well.

...I just realized what a LONG day I had today! I feel like my time in Irvine was a day on it's own, but I just remembered that I went to the Natural History Museum this morning! For you old Animal Crossing players (gg, Linda, Donny, ...), I saw an actual COELACANTH!! In fact, I saw two of them! So that's what I was fishing! ...They're HUGE! Speaking of games, I recently got addicted to GunBound! That game is SOOOOOO FUN!!!

The highlight of my day today has to be my drive home from Irvine. For some reason, I've ALWAYS love driving home from Irvine in the middle of the night. I love that long drive and having the whole freeway to myself. I usually drive home at around 85-100 mph, but since I rarely get to make that drive now, I took my sweet ass time and drove 65 the whole way. :)

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So strange how quickly the weather changes. Just earlier this week, it was scorching hot, then it suddendly dropped to freezing cold and decides to rain. Not just sprinkle rain but pouring cats and dogs rain! I'm happy for the rain because it helped out the firefighters, but it did ruin our Halloween plans.

Our plan was to party out in West Hollywood, but it started to rain. Being optimistic, we dropped the whole costume thing and just headed out anyway, hoping that the rain would stop. We decided to eat at my favorite Indian resturant on La Brea before partying, but noticed that it was only rainning harder. We drove out there after dinner and noticed that cars were actually driving on Santa Monica (which was supposed to be blocked off). I guess they didn't plan for rain. It was completely dead, so we just headed home. What a Halloween, eh? Well, I hope you had a better Halloween than me, but no worries, dinner made my night! :)

Neat thing tonight was I finally got to meet aiyah, 6togo, and min jung kim. It was cool to finally put a face to aiyah and 6togo because until tonight, I only knew them through their site and our email exchanges. Oh yeah, that girl from Better Luck Tomorrow was there tonight too. And like always, I had a lot of fun chatting with reefinfection and Linda. Happy anniversary to aiyah and Congrats to A&A!!!

Oh yeah, and just for aiyah, I dug up a picture of the kids:

The kids in the middle of a fight.

And while I was searching for that picture, I ran across some birthday pictures that I wanted to share:

Cake my mom baked me FROM SCRATCH!! :)

Mind Eraser from Raven.

Super Pazookie just for me!!
Yeah, so what if my birthday was a month ago? I can still share! :)
the rest